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Four Steps to a More Positive Mindset

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            Most of us don’t spend much time thinking about the way we think. But thinking is a habit. The way we talk to ourselves in our minds is a habit. Bad habits, such as negative self–messages and put–downs, create bad results–low self–esteem, depression and lack of motivation. Good habits, such as talking to yourself in a positive way, focusing on positive thoughts, and being positive with other people, create good results–success, happiness, and peace of mind. While no one is positive all the time, there are ways to gain a positive “mind set,” where positive thinking becomes a habit. Below are 4 simple steps you can take to gain a more positive mindset:

1)            Eliminate Negative Self-Talk   You probably don't realize how many times a day you send yourself negative mental messages because the habit of negative self–talk goes unnoticed after a while. But studies show that most people hear between 300 and 400 negative messages per day–many of them in their own minds. Start today to monitor your inner dialogue. Note any negative mental comments like, “Well, that was stupid,” or “I knew I'd mess it up.” Recognize that such internal put-downs simply serve to reinforce a poor self–image and reduce your confidence in yourself.

              Begin today to consciously change such negative thoughts. Whenever you find yourself thinking a negative thought, STOP, no matter where you are in the thought process. Never complete a negative thought. Change it to a positive one before you finish.

  2)          Give Yourself a Mirror Pep Rally    Another way to create the habit of positive thinking is to give yourself a “mirror pep rally.” Each morning (or whenever you feel the need) look at yourself in the mirror and say: “I am a positive person. I look for and see only the positive in every situation. I am thankful for the good that comes my way, and the lessons that I am allowed to learn.”

3)              Don’t Worry              Like thinking positively, worrying is a habit, too - a bad habit. Worry is a waste of time. It does nothing to change a situation. But not only is worry wasteful, it is destructive as well. It is self–defeating, dragging you into a chasm of imagined fears and doubts that serve to undermine your positive outlook. Would it not be better to put your worries out of your mind? To break the habit of worry? Here are some “tricks” to help you become worry–free:

            Maintain a worry–time schedule. Set aside one half hour each day to do all your worrying. During this half hour worry to your heart's content, playing out all the possibilities to their ultimate catastrophe. But at any other time during the day, you must not indulge in worrying. Gradually reduce your worry–time.  Start with a half hour a day.  After a week, cut it down to twenty minutes, then ten minutes. Then eliminate your worry–time altogether.  Realize that your worrying did not help your situation in any way. All your concentrated worrying changed nothing. Therefore, your worries were wasted; you didn't need them. You are free to let them go.

4)            Use your Imagination.      Create an imaginary “safe place” to contain your worries. One psychologist keeps three jars on his desk–top. The first is labeled Doubts. The second is labeled Fears. The third is labeled Worries. Whenever he has a doubt, a fear, or a worry, he simply lifts the lid on the appropriate jar and “tosses” it inside. Very useful, those little jars!

TEST YOURSELF:  How Positive Are You?

To get an idea of just how positive you are, answer the following questions “TRUE” or “FALSE.”

1)             I’m basically a lucky person.

2)            Overall, life is good to me.

3)              I like most people.

4)            Most of the time, things go the way they are supposed to.

5)            You can trust most people.

            If you answered any one of the above questions with a “false” answer, your attitude could probably use a little more positivity. Two or more “false” answers indicate a need to overhaul your thinking habits. Try the techniques listed in the article for three weeks and you’ll be surprised at the positive change in your outlook.

           Rita Milios. The Mind Mentor, is a Transformational Psychotherapist, author and speaker from Hudson (Pasco County) FL. View her Profile on Psychology Today.com

Psychotherapy Practice Specializing in "Mind Tools"

Hello Friends:

It's been a while since my last post....and there's a reason for that.

Since the spring of 2010, until a few months ago, I was actively in treatment for breast cancer. After two surgeries, including reconstruction (which was much worse than the mastectomy!), I am now happy to report that I am all "back together" once again and completely free of any disease. It was a long, hard road as I was very sick and weak during treatment, and recovery from reconstruction is a slow, difficult process. So for this entire period, all work of any kind pretty much came to a standstill for me.

In the past few months, however, I have bounced back to my former self in all ways and now have regained not only my physical strength but my ambition for work as well...which at one point I worried might be gone forever!

I am happy to announce that I have recently begun a new private psychotherapy practice in my Hudson, FL area, specializing in the use of my unique "Mind Tools Training" psycho-education and therapy techniques, which have proven to be so helpful to my clients over my 12+ years as a clinician.

I will continue to use this Blog as a place to post occasional articles of interest to clients, potential clients, and any other persons interested in exploring Mind topics. (Examples can be seen in my earlier posts about using dreams, visualization and intuition....see list on the right side of this Blog.) If you'd like to learn more about my Mind Tools Training approach, you can call me re: Peace of Mind Counseling at 727-860-5675.

You are also invited to join me for a Free Introductory Workshop, detailing my therapeutic approach and Psychotherapy Groups that will be starting Jan. 2013, which focus on the use of Mind Tools. The workshop will take place on Wed. Nov. 7, 2012 from 7-8:30 pm at my office in Hudson, FL. RSVP is required...call 727-860-5675.


Special Note for FL MSWs seeking supervision for Licensure hours: I am a FL Qualified Supervisor. If you'd like to receive training in "Mind Tools" techniques as part of your supervision for licensure, contact me re: supervision opportunities.

Wishing you ALL "all the best",

Rita

“My Special Dream” WRITING CONTEST

“My Special Dream” WRITING CONTEST for Kids 8-14 offers Prizes for All Entries

Author’s Contest Launches Dream Share,

Award-Winning Book that Can Help Kids Overcome Fears


Hudson (Tampa Bay), FL -- Dream Share from FL publisher, Rose Heart Publishing, is a new middle-grade novel by psychotherapist, author and educational consultant, Rita Milios that was just announced as an award-winning finalist in the 2009 Florida Writer’s Association Royal Palm Book Awards Competition (children’s book category). The author is launching Dream Share with a new website, www.DreamShareBook.com and a “My Special Dream” Contest for kids ages 8-14 years old.

Kids can write about My Special Dream (200 words or less) and email it to the author, who will read all entries and pick a Grand Prize Winner and two other winners. Every child who enters the contest will receive information sheets--Tips for Remembering Your Dreams and Common Dream Symbols. Full Contest details are below.

“Kids are always fascinated by the topic of dreams,” says Milios, who often speaks at schools and educational conferences on the topic. “Dreams are not only fun, they can provide valuable information about a child’s emotions and state of mind.”

Milios offers dream resources for teachers and parents, as well, at her website, www.DreamShareBook.com. (See details below.)


About the “My Special Dream” Contest for Kids:

Do you have a Special Dream to share?

What makes the dream special? Was it…

• Fun? Exciting Scary? Adventurous?

• Did it teach you a lesson?

• Did it help you solve a problem?

• Did you see someone you care about that you miss?

• Did you go someplace you’ve never been before?

• Did you see things you’ve never seen?

• Were you able to do something you’ve never done before?

Write about your Special Dream (200 words or less). Email it (using your first name only) along with the your parents’ email address and the permission note below (*). to rita@DreamShareBook.com. Kids ages 8-14 may take part in the Dream Contest. Dream Share author, Rita Milios will read all dream entries and pick the winners:


• GRAND PRIZE winner receives a Dream Share Slumber Party Kit (An autographed copy of Dream Share and an autographed copy of My Dream Journal Book by Rita Milios, six "I Have a Dream to Share" buttons, coupons for free pizzas and a special “phone visit” (with parents’ permission) from the author during the Slumber Party!

• Second Place Winner receives an autographed copy of Dream Share and a "I Have a Dream to Share" button.

• Third Place Winner receives an I Have a Dream to Share button and a coupon for 50% off the book, Dream Share.

• All Contestants receive (email) Tips for Remembering Your Dreams and Common Dreams Symbols information sheets.


Deadline for Entries: July 4, 2009

Winners announced at www.DreamShareBook.com on August 1st 2009.


(*) PERMISSION NOTE: COPY AND SEND WITH DREAM ENTRY to:

rita@DreamShareBook.com. Put “Dream Contest” in the subject line

I, ___________(name of parent) give my permission for my son/daughter to enter the “My Special Dream Contest.” I give permission for my child’s entry, if it is the Grand Prize winner, to be published on the Dream Share website. (Parents of Grand Prize winner, upon notification, will also be required to fax a signed, written agreement.)

See www.DreamShareBook.com for more about dreams & Dream Share learning supplements, including Dream Quizzes, a book excerpt, reviews of the book, Dream Share and Teacher Resources: Student Book Review Project, Rookie Researcher Scientific Investigation Project and more.

About Dream Share: Dream Share: When dreams come to life, the adventure begins!

Twelve-year old Sam and his older brother, Nathan, share an out-of-body experience that begins when Sam is drawn into his brother’s comatose state. The brothers enjoy visiting many mysterious realms beyond the physical, including those where whatever you imagine becomes real. But then each of the brothers is confronted with a monster, as their worst nightmares come to life. Only when Sam discovers how to use his mind to “see more deeply” do the boys understand that reality is what you perceive it to be, and that only by finding Truth can they find their way back home again.

In a back-of-the book section, Dream Share: The Story Behind the Story, readers find an author interview that discusses actual information about the book’s paranormal topics (What happens when a person is in a coma? What are “out-of-body” experiences and how do they occur? Do “alternate” realities really exist?) as well as their own Dream Journaling pages.

About Rita Milios:

Rita Milios is a licensed psychotherapist, author and workshop presenter. She makes presentations at schools and educational conferences and frequently speaks about dreams…as both nighttime fantasies and as aspirations.

Known as both The Mind Mentor and The Dream Lady, Rita is an expert in the use of the creative mind. She has for the past twenty-five years, researched and written about dreams, intuition, meditation, visualization, creativity and other mind-related topics. Rita presents workshops on dreams to children, teens, adults and teachers and writes books and articles for people of all ages.

Rita’s children’s books include Sleeping and Dreaming, a non-fiction book about sleep research and dreams for grades 3-4 that has been featured in variety of teacher and student workshops, including one associated with the JFK Center for the Performing Arts; Discovering Positive Thinking, a book for grades 5-7 that helps kids achieve and maintain a positive attitude, take charge of their thinking and envision success; and Discovering How to Make Good Choices that demonstrates how to set goals, look ahead and prepare for the future. Rita’s workbooks for teachers include Imagi-size: Activities to Exercise Your Students’ Imaginations, a teacher workbook with creativity and self-esteem exercises and the It Was Just Awful Teacher/Counselor Workbook (forthcoming) that helps kids dealt with the death of a loved one.

· PDF file of the “My Special Dream” Contest rules and entry guidelines is available. Email rita@ritamilios.com to request a copy.

• Contact the author to purchase autographed books or to discuss an author presentation.

--
Rita Milios, LCSW, The Mind Mentor, author, psychotherapist & speaker on topics of writing, education and personal development
www.ritamilios.com
www.DreamShareBook.com

Why Do We Dream?

Why Do We Dream?

Scientists tell us that we all dream every night. As a matter of fact, we each have about 6-8 dreams every night, during our REM (rapid eye movement) sleep periods. But we often do not remember our dreams.

Dreams seem to have several purposes. Some dreams are just memories of our mind doing the job of “filing away” information we have learned during the day. Other dreams, however, come from our inner minds with messages for us. They come to tell us things we need to know, but may not be paying attention to. Dreams are one way our inner minds “talk“ to us.

Hidden Messages in Dreams

Dreams often contain messages – messages from ourselves to ourselves. Dreams may come to say, “You’re doing fine. Hang in there.” Or the message may be, “You’ve gone off in the wrong direction. Take a close look at you’re doing in your life right now. You need to make some changes.”

Dreams come in many forms. We can have creative dreams, like Einstein and Edison are said to have had. Some dreams, called precognitive dreams, may “show” us a future event. Many others are problem-solving dreams. They give us advice about how to solve a problem in our lives.

Reoccurring Dreams

Reoccurring dreams are especially important. These are dreams that come over and over again. They always contain the same message. This message is one that your inner mind is trying to get you to notice. Your inner will patiently give you the same dream over and over for years until you finally “get the message”.



Rita Milios, The Mind Mentor, is a transformational psychotherapist, author and speaker from Hudson, FL (www.ritamilios.com). Hear more from Rita on dreams on Blog Talk Radio.

Good Grief: What’s Normal and When Should You Seek Help?

It is quite normal to be sad and upset when someone that we care about dies. The term grief describes a person’s emotional reaction to the death and mourning describes the cultural and social expectations and behaviors that surround the event (attending a funeral service, for example).

While each person experiences grief in their own unique way and there is no one “right” way to grieve, therapists generally encourage grieving individuals to feel their grief, rather than deny it. Experiencing the feelings of sadness instead of avoiding them, talking about these feelings with others and finding meaning in a life where the loved one is no longer present are all part of what is called the grief process.

Normal Grief

The steps above outline a “normal” grief process. In normal grief, the initial intense feelings associated with grief and bereavement–intense sadness, a profound sense of loss and a deep yearning for the loved one–subside and become manageable within a few weeks or months. Interest in life returns and the bereaved person gets back to the tasks of daily living. Formerly overwhelming painful feelings subside and thoughts of the deceased cease to dominate the person’s life.

Abnormal or “Complicated” Grief

However, approximately 10-20% of grieving people do not experience “normal” grief. For them, the grief process is prolonged and/or intensified. They often experience anger and resentment about their loss and have difficulty accepting the reality of the death. In 2001, a set of twenty questions, called the Inventory of Complicated Grief, was developed by leading psychiatrists to distinguish complicated grief from normal grief. The symptoms of complicated grief fall into two categories: 1) feelings related to separation distress (longing and searching for the deceased, loneliness, preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased) and 2) feelings related to traumatic distress (disbelief, mistrust, anger, shock and detachment from others).

When to Seek Help

Grief is generally diagnosed as “complicated” when it has lasted for more than six months and at least four of the following symptoms occur several times a day. The symptoms must also be intense enough that they are distressing and disruptive to normal life activities:

• Trouble accepting the death
• Inability to trust others
• Excessive bitterness or anger related to the death
• Uneasiness about moving forward (making new friends, taking part in
daily activities)
• Numbness or detachment from life
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless without deceased
• Sensing that the future is bleak or holds no meaning
• Abnormal agitation, jumpiness or irritation

A bereaved person fitting the above criteria would be considered at risk for complicated grief and should seek professional help for managing their grieving process.




Rita Milios, MSW, LCSW, "The Mind Mentor," is a psychotherapist, author and workshop leader from Hudson FL. Her most recent books include "It Was Just Awful," a book for children experiencing traumatic grief, and the "It Was Just Awful Companion Caregiver/Counselor Workbook."

Synchronicity - Coincidence or Much, Much More ?

As a transformational psychotherapist and a spiritual coach, I always encourage people to look within themselves for answers. Occasionally, this leads to unexpected results.

One fall evening I received a frantic - and later to be realized, prophetic - phone call as I was sitting down to a special family dinner. It was from a client, and she sounded terribly frightened and confused. Something so strange and out of the ordinary had happened to her that she could not make sense of it.; yet she was sure that it contained a “message” for her.

I calmed my client down and asked her to tell me her story. It seems that she had been walking out the door to go to a special event of her own. She had dressed up for the occasion and had put on a certain pair of pierced earrings. She specifically remembered using extra care to secure the earring backs, as she wanted to be sure not to lose one of these earrings. They were very special to her and were expensive as well. Ready to go, she went into the garage to her car. Then she heard a small ping, and looking down spied an earring that had apparently fallen out, despite her efforts. However, her real surprise came when she retrieved the earring. Picking it up, she gasped. The earring was still together, with back and front connected. How was that possible? She knew that she had put the earring through her ear. The only way that it could fall was if it had come apart. But it hadn’t. What was going on?

I didn’t have an answer for her right away. The only thing that could think of was that she had apparently been offered a spiritual gift called synchronicity. Synchronicity takes many forms. Though it usually comes as a “coincidence” that is not really a coincidence (such as being in the right place at the right time to receive help just when you need it), synchronicity can also take a more “mysterious” form, such as the one mentioned above. The key element in synchronicity is that the incident offers a “message” to the participant. This message is often not recognized by others, who will see it as “mere” coincidence or misinformation. Yet for the person involved, the message they perceive serves to heighten their awareness of - and often their belief in - the spiritual realm. The mystery of synchronicity may be seen as a spiritual “hello,” a tap on the shoulder from the spiritual realm, as if to say, “Pay attention. We are here. Notice us and believe in us.”

I have seen this happen often to people who are new to the spiritual path. It is as if their spiritual “helpers” or “guardian angels” are using a bit of drama to assist them in the building of their belief, which is often difficult at first. While many people believe in a spiritual realm, few think of this realm as a place where spirits can actively interact with people and involve themselves in our daily affairs. To achieve this leap of faith we need “proof” and synchronicities, often appearing at a crucial stage in a believer’s path, provide this proof.
But beyond the belief building factor, synchronicities may serve a greater purpose as well. They may be used to establish, for the first time ever, a link between a person and their own intuition. Once belief in the existence of an interactive spiritual realm has established, a person often begins to listen for “messages” more directly. They may even come to expect and desire such messages. One tried and true avenue for these messages is intuition.

Intuition and synchronicities are very similar. They both involve messages from sources that are beyond those which are normally available to us. But while synchronicities may occur without our having to do anything, intuition is a two way street. We must purposefully and consciously open our minds to intuition as a form of communication if we are to further strengthen our initial contact with it - and through it, our contact with the spiritual realm. For it is through intuition, in reality, that all direct communication with the spiritual realm occurs. There are no telephone calls, no e-mails from space and spirit, only those subtle and fleeting thought-feelings that we call intuition. Even when we are gifted with a synchronicity, it is only through our intuitive faculties that we are able to discern the meaning and significance of such an event. Without intuition, synchronicities really are “mere coincidences”.

As we go through life, we change and grow, and hopefully evolve spiritually as well. Accessing intuition is an important part of that process. Once we begin to train our minds to become more aware of our own unique intuition cues, to understand how we receive our own particular intuitive messages, we can begin to discern which thoughts are true intuitions and which are the products of our wandering minds. This is an important step because only intuitions can “translate” messages from the spiritual realm and give us an accurate reading of our inner guidance.

Synchronicity can provide an important initial contact with the spiritual realm. It can open us up to our own spiritual natures and set us upon a spiritual path, which we then can follow with faith and confidence, secure in the belief that there really are spiritual “helpers” who can assist us along the way.